Wow. Two months! That's how long it's been since the last time I blogged on here. I knew it and felt like I should get on here a few times, but for various reasons or excuses, I didn't. The excuses range from all of the holiday activities to trips taken, a bout of the flu at Thanksgiving to the nice weather outside had me working my fingers to the bone and being dog tired at the end of the day. I guess as far as reasons. there were only two: I chose not to and in some instances I just didn't know what to say........
In all honesty, it was a tough few months. Shortly after the last blog entry it was Thanksgiving and I was busily trying to get the house ready for the 25 or so family members that would be coming to the house for the big meal. Everyone was cooking so we didn't have to do the whole thing, but we smoked the turkey and did a few other dishes. There were tables to rent, centerpieces to get ready, dishes to borrow...... In the theme of my disheveled life, I used that as the decorating scheme for Thanksgiving and borrowed dishes from a friend who, as she says, "has a bit of a problem" with buying dishes. Works for me! I borrowed 4 settings of 6 different patterns and on each table used some of each. We mixed and matched silverware and even pulled out everything from wine glasses to beer mugs to martini glasses for our drink ware! I made the centerpieces from cool, old liquor bottles I had hung on to and inside of them stuck cattails from the pond, pieces of curly willow branches from my tree and cut a little green from a bush out back to give it some color. I will post a picture, I promise, just not tonight. I loved it. We even managed to get a group family photo on the fence out front before we ate at 5 - which I will post too.
Then it was time to eat and I was feeling worse by the minute. I made my attempts at sitting there and picking at the food but realized I had to give up the fight so went into my bedroom, which is where I stayed for the next 16+ hours. Took me about a week to get back to normal. Stupid flu bug! And Thanksgiving is my favorite meal of the year so I was really ticked off!!!
But perhaps one of the biggest reasons I didn't blogged because I didn't know how to explain it was what came right after Thanksgiving. I will preface it by telling you that a friend of mine posted a quote on facebook about 10 days ago that really hit home with me. The quote said: "Giving up doesn't always mean you're weak; sometimes it means you're strong enough to let go." I really needed to hear that because I felt like I had given up on something and was having a hard time forgiving myself for it.
That something was my dog, George. He entered our lives at a very tumultuous time and I am not sure it was ever really fair to him or to us. Life was chaos about then, getting ready to put our house in Utah on the market, buying a house in Kansas, moving halfway across the country to a new home and life, struggling through the early days with the money pit and traveling every weekend in the Fall. Life with George had gotten to be a challenge. He obviously had some anxiety issues and was not dealing well with us traveling so much. He had become a source of friction between Brad and I as he was "my dog" and therefore, when he got in trouble I felt like I did too. Having 3 big dogs had proven to be more than I could handle and it seemed like every aspect of my life was suffering a little, from my sleep to my outlook and even my marriage on certain days! I felt like George needed more than I could provide for him and we both deserved better. As part of the agreement with the rescue group, I had to agree that if I ever could not keep him I would return him to them. So I did. I felt like a loser and a quitter and the worse dog owner to ever walk the planet. Once the decision was made, George and I drove to Des Moines, IA for his return - him sleeping obliviously in the seat beside me and me crying most of the six hour drive. After a half hour or so there, I turned right around and drove home. 13 hours after it started, I pulled back into my driveway. He is back with my nephew and his family for now, and I think he is happy. They are around more and they have two kids at home. As another friend so aptly put it .... "George needs a boy!". So true! When I left he was chasing after their son!
I know that it was the right thing to do for us. Difficult, but right. My other two dogs actually seem happier now. Life is calmer now. Without having to worry about him constantly, I have been able to get a lot more done. Brad and I are good. I still feel like I failed him, but when I read my friend's quote it really helped me - maybe it really was that I was strong enough to let go. I had to ........
There have been a few more trips since I last wrote. We went to New Orleans with one of Brad's sisters and her husband, as well as his brother and his wife. Lots of Hurricanes helped the hurt and we got to maybe even see a few ghosts on our ghost tour. At least Marcie sure thinks we did!!!
There was another trip to Indianapolis - this time for Jeff's college Graduation! He graduated on December 18th! So very proud of him and we had a wonderful weekend with his girlfriend Michelle and even got to meet her parents who came down from Madison, Wisconsin for the event. So both of my boys are now off the family payroll and earning their own paychecks! It feels great. Jeff actually got a full time job with benefits in Indianapolis that started on January 1. He had done an internship with them for school previously, worked for them over the summer and even part time during football season. So obviously they knew what they were getting and were glad to hire him full time! He was able to come home for a week at Christmas - the final time he will get that luxury I guess!. I am actually headed back to Indiana next weekend for his final football banquet too. Then no more trips for a while for me - thank gosh!
And then of course there is the house! The whole intent of this blog! It's still here, still falling apart little by little, but Brad and I are getting a lot better about laughing about it and riding the waves when they hit. In the last two months....... let's see ...... we have had to do a complete exterior baiting of the house for termite control due to the discovery of what (we hope) is old damage, found a live mouse in the dog food - followed by a dead one a few days later in one of the traps we set. I went around the house with a can of spray foam and sealed up every obvious gaping hole that I could find in both siding and the stone wall in hopes of keeping out both cold and crittters for now!
And of course my favorite, is the night at 10 p.m., as we are getting ready for bed, that Brad says to me "Why is it so wet around the toilet?"!!! Ugh! Please tell me I don't have to do plumbing at 10 p.m. on a Friday night!!!! Thankfully it wasn't an active leak but it did turn out that the shower in the master bedroom has a cracked shower pan and is no longer usable, so Brad and I are making good use of our robes and traipsing across to the other side of the house right now to shower in the guest bathroom! The bright spot in all of this is that since he's already sick of doing that, Brad said we can go ahead and remodel the master bedroom and bathroom this spring! Woo hoo! FINALLY I might be able to do something FUN - though I am sure there will be a few disasters along the way! Oh yeah - and when I pulled up the carpet there was another door cut into the sub floor for access that drops down into a crawl space!! Right in the middle of the bathroom!! What the ......?
We converted the fireplaces to gas burning instead of wood burning, so now we can have nice clean, efficient fires on cold nights. Two are traditional and one we did in a different look with ceramic "rocks" that look like real rocks and fire safe glass! It's awesome and really fun - photo of that to follow too! I finally closed the gap left in the kitchen counter when the new cook top didn't cover the whole opening and decided to get creative with it so made a sunflower mosaic! And then it's been so nice outside lately with the crazy warm weather that I have finally had a chance to attack the yard since I didn't get the opportunity this Fall. Cleaning out the back flower beds which have been totally neglected and had a few years worth of old growth and leaves in it. I'm at 35 bags and counting!! Trimmed a huge old cedar bush at the entrance to the driveway that had a ton of old dead wood on the inside of it and made two trips to the landfill with the bed of my truck piled higher than the cab! Everything about this house is big - even the debris!!!
When the weather warms up for keeps I am also going to paint the exterior of the house, so right now I have paint splotches everywhere! I am sure the neighbors love the patchwork look that they will have to deal with for a few months, but I think they will be happy with the end result so hopefully they will be patient. If you live in the Wichita area and want to help me vote on which color to us, swing by and look at them!
That's all I can think of for now, but that's enough. The last few weeks have actually been really good weeks and I am beginning to feel like I am finally getting my legs back under me. I found a new therapist here (in the spirit of full disclosure, I will share that too) whom I really like. We are still in the early, "getting to know you" stage but I think it will be a good relationship. The house seems to be falling apart a little less or at least there seem to be fewer discoveries spaced further apart. Today Brad even wanted to walk around the whole house and hear what I had in mind for all of the rooms. It really actually got me pretty excited about it again, which I have not been able to be for a very long time.
So I'm back.... in several aspects. As always, music is part of my life and in looking for a song for today I ended up back with one of my favorites - The Weepies. The song I chose is "World Spins Madly On". It seemed appropriate. If you take the time to listen to the lyrics, there were days where this is exactly how I felt - like I was falling apart but the world just was spinning along. The good news is that dark days are often followed by sunshine if you can just hang on. Thanks for hanging with me. Here's to many more adventures for both of us!
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