Here's to smudging!

Okay, first of all, my apologies for the pity party I invited you all to last time I wrote.   I was apparently just having a really crappy day and needed to vent, but I sincerely do not think I was looking for sympathy.  I personally look at my keyboard as my therapist right now, so we often have keyboard therapy sessions and you all were just privy to one!   While I do like to entertain, pity parties are not my favorite event to stage so I will try to hold those to a minimum.  (I am thinking about a pity basement painting party this winter but more on that later!).

Secondly, it was never my intent to throw Brad under the bus and I hope that is not how that was taken.  He and I are both sort of overwhelmed with life and doing the best we can and I know that.   He is the best man I have ever known - probably the best human being - and I never want to hurt him.  He has put up with so much crap from me that I owe him big time and hopefully he and I can take turns being the one who needs a little lift from time to time.  I am just so used to him being my anchor that it's hard when we are both treading water.......  I love you Brad!

So life goes on!   I am often not sure these days whether to laugh or to cry so often end up doing both - almost assuredly by the end of each day I have!   One of my friends responded to something I had posted on  facebook and asked me what I thought it was that I was supposed to be learning from all of this.  If only I knew!!!   Karma's a bitch?    Patience is a virtue?   Just breathe?   I am still not sure......

I know it has been several days again since I posted.   An update on Mom...... turns out that she did indeed appear to have a compression fracture at the T9 vertebra.  They set up an appointment for her to have a procedure done this morning, much like the one she had done 10 years ago when she fractured at T11.   After more xrays and tests, this fracture at T9 was determined to be old, so there is nothing they can do for it.  Not sure exactly when it happened, but she can't have the procedure done.  So for now we are in a holding pattern and the hope is that in a few weeks her pain will resolve.   Two sisters have "shifts" before me, but I am headed there Sunday and will return to Wichita on Thursday

The house .... where to start.   Like I said before, all I really would like is to string a couple of good "house days" together.    Waiting ....... waiting ...... waiting ......    Today's adventure was the newly installed home security system!  I say "new" but two of the three keypads were old existing keypads and the system used existing wires rather than new ones.   About 8:30 this morning as I was actually feeling calm and reading the newspaper, I was about blown off my seat by the ear-splitting, nerve-jarring high pitched shriek of the house alarm!    Not armed!   WTF?   Put in the code!.  Stops.  3 seconds later - starts! Put in the code!   A few seconds later ....... you get the picture.  I call the company - they transfer me .... to a voicemail!   I don't THINK so!   Call back - they try to "talk me down".   Seems to be okay.  I hang up ..... 30 minutes later we repeat this scenario!

I can quite proudly tell you that I now know how to totally power down my entire house alarm thanks to Tech Support at ADT!   Not something I ever thought I would need to know, but okay.   They send a tech.  According to him the "police" button is showing that it won't reset, so after trying everything he can, he basically decides the problem is in one keypad so he replaces it.   Hallelujah and thank you Gus (the repair guy) - he tells me he's going to do it for no charge!   He's a great guy and leaves me his cell phone number and tells me to call him if it goes off again.......

Fast forward about  two hours........ "Hello Gus?  This is Connie.  It's going off again!".   I have nothing but good things to say about ADT at this point.  Gus comes back, gives me a third new keypad so that I now have all completely new keypads.  He replaces the radio frequency thing that picks up the signals and also gives me an entire new remote!   All at no charge!   Gus rocks!   Oh yeah - and Gus is about 25!  What the heck us up with these Kansas guys names?!  So far I have met Gus, Barney and Ennis!!   What?!

So let's see..... what else.....  came home the other day and the pond pump wasn't working.  Turned out just to be a tripped circuit!  Hallellujah!   Big rainstorm last night and spent an hour fishing leaves out the pool this morning!  Have leaf rake, will travel!   Went to use the GFCI in the back yard to use some equipment.  It had previously worked.  Not now!   Figured out which circuit breaker it was on, shut it down and put in a new one - take that stupid electrical system!!    Oh yeah - remember that gas smell?  Well , after a few stubborn days of short periods of digging and when I was about to call it off, I heard the tell tale clink of metal on metal (pick axe to shut down gas pipe).   Unearthed it, called the plumber.... he will have to replace it rather than repair it which will involved trenching!   Project on hold until later date since pool heater is not exactly required on surface of the sun!

But on the bright side, home warranty is coming through!   Got a call this week that I get a new trash compactor, a new cook top, 2 new attic fans and they will cover the duct work repair that has to be done in the attic!!   Woo hoo!!   Still trying to figure out a few things so stay tuned!   I have a feeling when I call American Home Shield now that a big red light comes on when my number pops up!   "Oh #@%$?!   Not HER!!!"

And on the other bright now - Matt is here for a visit!   He arrived yesterday morning.   The dogs are thrilled - and totally ditched Brad and I last night to sleep with Matt.  (Must admit it was a good night's sleep for me!)  The plan had been to do some antique/thrift store shopping with him, but instead I tossed him my car keys and my GPS and told him to have a good time as I waited for the alarm company!   We did go to a concert tonight at WSU.   Great concert by Robin Macy - one of the original Dixie Chicks who lives here in Wichita!  It was wonderful!   I am definitely in the right place to live since I love Bluegrass!!!   Hopefully tomorrow he and I can have a little fun and then tomorrow night we are having the in-laws over for dinner.  Smoking brisket and ribs!   Matt and I are in charge!

And we did the sage smudge stick finally. It sat on the counter and I kept waiting for the time when it felt right and Brad and I had the time.  Finally on Tuesday night we did it.   I really, quite honestly, was not sure how to go about this, even though I had looked it all up online.    I wanted to rid the negative energy from the house and feel like maybe Brad and I were getting a new start, but mostly I felt like a fool walking around the house with a smoldering sage and lavender bundle of dried herbs.   Does it count when you are not sure what you believe?   If you WANT this to work all the way down into your bones but you are not sure if you even believe it but feel like you will try anything?   Does effort count?  And just what the hell is it that I do believe in?   Nothing like taking a semi-sacred ceremony to question all of these things - and then just praying that somewhere, the higher powers that be will know that your intentions are good, even if the execution is a little shaky.   So Brad walked around with me and about half way through I got pretty emotional.  I did so desperately want to believe in this but felt like I had no clue what I was doing.  

I decided to finish up the smudge stick outside.  I walked the whole perimeter of the yard, trying hard to believe.  And I suddenly thought of a little boy I knew named Richard.  I had been his "Auntie" in the Neonatal ICU in Salt Lake City.  He was Native American.  A preemie from Idaho, so I spent several hours a week with him since he parents couldn't be there.   As it neared time for him to go home, there was some fear about sending him home.  It's hard to bond from a distance and the parents were a little unrealistic - he was a bit of a high maintenance baby.  Turns out those fears were justified and Richard didn't make it much longer.   I believe his father is now serving time........

But as I walked the yard, I felt like Richard was with me in some sense after that.  Like maybe the time I had spent with him was now being repaid to me.  I sat on the patio and let the herbs burn down, then buried most of them in the earth.  I took a small bowl inside with me and the next day put a pinch down each drain and flushed some down the toilets.  Hey, can't hurt, right?!   I rubbed some on my hands and across my forehead, then rinsed the bowl, stuck it in the dishwasher, showered and started my day.

So here's to brighter days!   I feel them on the horizon!