Holding up the sky ....

... and then it got crazier....

A friend has often asked me if I make this stuff up, but I have told her that I am not creative enough to do it and that apparently the old saying is true:  life is stranger than fiction.....

I had a good week last week.   Went swimming every day, went and heard a woman talk about an inspirational run she did DOWN Mt. Everest (it is now on the bucket list!), had the Open House which was well attended and then got to have a girls night in after with my friend Kathy.  I worked on a few "artsy" projects and got ideas for a few more.  I had gotten to the point that I must admit that I was having a good time here in the house alone!   Sleep in when I wanted, eat what I want, when I want .....   This is maybe not so bad!!!

My plan was that I then was going to go spend a few days with my Mom this week, so I loaded up the truck with stuff I thought I might want or need (she always has that "honey do" list for me!).    Headed out later than I thought, but all still good on Monday afternoon.   For reasons I cannot explain, about 3/4 of the way there, I started to get an uneasy feeling ... looking around and wondering how many more times I would make this trip.  I chalked it up to the fact that I would soon be moving so I was just sort of going through the process of all of that.  Once I got to Mom's house, I worried a little more as she looked completely exhausted and was not feeling well.   She has a long history of upper GI and esophagus issues, and it was rearing it's ugly head again.  The next couple of days were a bit better but she still didn't feel great and on the day I left, she seemed to be having a bad morning.  She wanted to go do her volunteer work so I dropped her off and had decided to take a leisurely trip home - taking some pictures and seeing sights along the way.  I had been gone maybe 45 minutes when I got a concerned call from my sister who had received a concerned call from where she volunteers.   Long story short, I turned around and went  back.  Called Mom's doctor and got her in that afternoon.  No definitive diagnosis but waiting on blood work results and probably dehydrated.  She seemed like she would be okay with my sister checking on her, so I decided I wanted to go home.  I left her with instructions that she HAD to drink!

No sightseeing on the way home this time,   Just wanted to get here.   Made a stop or two and got home around 7 p.m. ...... only to find that my house had been vandalized!  A couple of small/odd/insignificant things taken from the yard, but the most upsetting thing is that they had spray painted on the side of my house - "rich people suck".   Personally I think vandals suck! I while I know that I am fortunate, I have a hard time thinking of myself as rich.  There are many in the neighborhood who are, but we always laugh and say we sort of dropped the value when we moved in!   I walked around the house and saw no other damage or any sign that they had tried to break in.  Upsetting for sure, but chalked it up to stupid teenagers.  So after a very long, very exhausting and very upsetting day, I finally went to bed.

I woke the next morning and  headed out to an appointment at 9, only to find when I pulled out of the garage at 9 that there was either something I missed or they had come back.   Painted on my garage door was a lovely word for a female dog.   Seriously?   Have they MET me?!?!? 

Now it feels personal..... now it feels like a violation of my space..... now I am struggling.    Filed police reports, pictures taken.  I hired a rent a cop for a couple of nights to babysit the house and hang out in my yard to watch for stuff - asked him the second night to NOT be seen in case they wanted to try to return, I wanted him to catch them.   Of course all was quiet.

So I have pressure washed - didn't work.   Primed the side of the house with wood siding and repainted.   Garage door - not as easy but chemical remover seems to have taken it off.   Evidence gone but trauma still remains.   No one saw anything, no neighbors had any damage.  Who knows.......

But it was a reality check.   How long do I really want to be here alone?   Not as long as I thought.  As I write this, Brad is on his way back here with the dogs and they will stay with me until I move.    He should be here tomorrow night and will return to Utah on Friday.   And maybe, just maybe, we are going to pick a date that I will move, regardless of selling the house.

I refer to the quote from Christopher Robin in my last blog entry..... maybe I am not braver than I believe.....  It just all feels like too much.   It does indeed feel like I am holding up the weight of the sky....   and maybe I am not stronger than I seem.......

Mom is doing better but it's obvious that we are entering the stages of her life where mostly it involves loses.  She ended up admitted to the hospital, where she remains right now - and as much as I want to go and be with her, I feel like I have to stay and guard the house!   She has started the process of going through her things and trying to decide what she wants to keep or discard, who she wants to give them to .... a literal paring down of 89 years.  It's a little hard to watch, but she is handling it with grace.  This week, she decided she will no longer drive and we are on the list for an assisted living cottage....   Perhaps she is dealing with it better than I am ......

So ...... the song I chose for tonight is by Mary Chapin Carpenter, who I went and saw in concert with a good friend tonight.  She didn't sing this particular song, but I thought in honor of the concert that I would choose one of her songs and this one seemed to fit.   There have been moments in the last week where it has indeed felt like the sky was falling and I had to hold it up.  I am not giving up.  It will get better.  I will be okay.  I will be stronger than I seem...... and I will continue to learn .......